There's an expression in Russian "lost fear"
Today, though, it's not about someone wanting to beat me up and me disagreeing.
The thing is, over 2 years of pandemic I noticed in myself (and not only?) a tendency that I lost the ability to be afraid and sympathize.
Remember the submarine "Kursk"? It sank.
I have slightly more detailed memories than grandpa. I was 9 years old, we were at grandma's.
The TV there caught 5 channels with crackling, and in the evening I needed to watch cartoons, because in 2000, when they took you to grandma's, you had no chance to open a tablet, turn on internet and spend time with those you're interested in - whoever they gave you, you hang with them. And we didn't know about harassment and toxic relationships then, so had to endure.
The submarine took from me the last thing I had - cartoons. Literally for a couple days in a row nothing was on TV except live broadcasts of the rescue operation.
Well what can I say, there was nothing to do, I watched it too. And if on the first evening I was only annoyed that "good night little ones" was canceled, on the second day I got into it.
Hard to describe how it was then, but I more or less remember the emotions. About day two, I think, everyone at the TV - rooted for the rescue.
Wouldn't be surprised if even at 9 years old I managed to "kinda pray" - well, sent a request to space to "save the dudes". Didn't help.
Fast forward to 2021.
Over 2 years more than 4 million people died (so far).
- don't care, it's old people
Forests are burning
- don't care, always burning
Israel and Palestine are firing rockets at each other
- again Arabs and Jews fought, so what
Floods in Germany
- who cares, they're rich, they'll dry out
In Czech Republic a tornado (a fucking tornado in Czech Republic) destroyed houses and left a bunch of people without roofs
- fuck, well when I have an apartment in 25 years, I'll sympathize, but for now it's their own fault, should've rented and insured
And nothing would've changed further if not for one thing. I saw Czechs who went to help rebuild houses.
Everything was organized through ass, collected funds, I assume, won't fully reach recipients.
But what I saw was a whole bunch of young people (real ones) who during summer vacation went to help people clear rubble.
Of course, schoolchildren have lots of time and energy. Of course, most of them went just to get out of the house for a while, drink, smoke weed and fuck.
But how nice it would be for me if something like that happened to me and someone wouldn't give a fuck, like I do now.
It touched me a bit that by my 30s I've become so cynical that I'm absolutely not affected by other people's troubles.
Two reasons: growing up and media.
Growing up is clear - if before many people's troubles seemed like bad luck, over time you perfectly understand that in most cases this bad luck is the result of stupidity, laziness and desire to screw everyone.
I think at 30 it's generally impossible to give money to a beggar, especially when you came to the country yesterday to learn the language and you definitely had fewer opportunities than him.
And with media it's a bit harder.
If you compare how they covered the sinking Kursk (118 dead) and, for example, the same corona (more than 500 deaths per day in Russia, if looking at the date of article writing) - the difference is visible to the naked eye.
I'll admit honestly - 24 hours a day isn't enough to describe today's world as it deserves.
The fact that we're burning, drowning, suffocating, getting fat and killing each other daily - isn't as scary as it was 80 years ago or even 20.
If someone asked me what I was afraid of when I was 5 years old - I was afraid of death (specifically its "funeral" manifestation - i.e. the process of burial itself, being eaten by worms, all that)
What am I afraid of today? That I'll be canceled, that I'll be kicked out of the country, that THAT CHICK WILL REJECT ME.
Certainly not death. By 2021 human life has in any case become just statistics and I can't imagine what should even happen to touch everyone to the core and for long. Maybe we want to, but can't at all.
I want something to happen in my head that returns how I used to value lives - both mine and others'. And when it returns to me, I'll write an article, shoot a video and a couple hundred more people will also start freaking out about what's happening around us daily.
Then we'll live. But for now today's news, August 14:
- shit's happening in Afghanistan, Czech Republic is urgently sending its delegation home
- earthquake in Haiti
- thousands of people came to Rock for People festival in Hradec Králové
- Russian firefighting helicopter crashed in Turkey, 8 dead
- record number of migrants are swimming to Britain through the English Channel
- Siberia is burning, burned approximately an area equal to all of Czech Republic
- I don't give a fuck