September 2026
This trip was undertaken as part of a holiday trip around Italy hastily planned expedition through northern Germany with the aim of finding out what they’re like over there when it comes to beer and fish:
Wismar – Poel – Lübeck – Schwerin
The day began with a bit of a mishap: we’d found a 25-euro parking fine stuck to the car windscreen. It was tricky to work out why, but we sorted it out
Germany and feminism – a good start
The bridge into the city
It looked quite nice at first glance
Old, but beautiful
Historically speaking
In short, my mood started to improve after the fine
We went into the church. Entry was free, but ‘we recommend you leave 2 euros towards the restoration’. I had 10 cents, so I popped it into the box. Everyone else was told “thank you, goodbye”, but they didn’t say anything to us. Apparently, the German guy could tell from the sound that it wasn’t 2 euros
The town centre is lovely
Everything in this photo would be fine, if it weren’t for one thing, though
I’m strongly against wars and armies, and I don’t like it when, out of the blue, I see adverts like this in places like France and Germany. As if to say, ‘If they’re bright and good, then you should go.’ What a bunch of arseholes
I’ve spotted an even cooler church. A Protestant one. I’m actually a Protestant myself, by the way – not some suceur du Pape
You can see the water, by the way. Just to remind you, we’re in the Hanseatic League
The gate – there’s a school trip there. It’s always brilliant to see how easy it is to spot who in the class is the cool chick, the hooligan, the nerd, and so on.
It’s not bad by the water.
The town is brown, just like everything else in this area
It looks worse than it actually is – there are loads of bikes, so it’s not that bad for pedestrians
A neighbourhood with courtyards that the internet recommends visiting
The locals don’t agree with this bright idea
A street sign up close
One courtyard was open
Heading to the museum
Which managed to surprise (not with the letter ‘ы’, of course)
At the entrance, they give you a card; you pop it into the machine and choose a language (German, English, Swedish, Russian) (WHATTTT?). You also choose a city from a hundred or so, but that’s not so interesting
Next, you hold the card up to an exhibit, and it changes the language of the text. It’s really nice
It’s quite funny to realise that there have always been arseholes. Just imagine, whingeing that someone else has learnt a language and now LIFE HARD
Or here’s an argument for the idiots who want to drag me back to the office
The museum, in short, is very good – I rarely say that
It rained for about an hour
The city’s just as beautiful after the rain
Lübeck, in short, comes highly recommended
The highlight of the day – a potato; I’ve eaten enough to last me two days. On a funny note, it’s essentially a kebab platter, but with potatoes instead of bread, and slightly healthier sides. I’m a fan of this concept
You can walk around the whole city in an hour; it’s quite a pleasant stroll
Just to remind you, the average age is around 70
But in Germany, older Germanesses are definitely better than younger ones
